I know completely what this is like. I hadn't spoken to my mum for a good few years. Then, my wife and family decided to resettle by the coast. The idea was to sort out my mental health and to start over. After we moved, I phoned my parents to talked to my mum, sadly I was gently informed that she had passed away from Cancer the year before - I was devasted. Two decades on from that, I still have moments of low moods of 'what ifs.'